finished the first of the 12 (!) video's for my upcoming online class "love yourself more". actually it's kinda Free yourself more, so maybe I'll change the title. hey, it's my online class, I can change my mind :)
are you following any online classes right now? i simply cannot have an empty folder, i always need new classes to follow once i finish the last video's of an online class. just like with books. i just NEED to have a stack of books ready to dive in, the second i finish a book. information junkie kinda :)
so let's get this friday rolling, i 'only' need to create 11 more complete video's for this class GASP.
"your past is just a story. and once you realize this, it has no power over you". found this quote online but can't find who ever said this. the man or woman is brilliant for sure!
let it sink in: "your past is just a story. and once you realize this, it has no power over you". it is so true. as some loyal sweet blog followers / readers know, i didn't grow up in a fun and loving household.... there was abuse for years and years and at age 16 i left the house. actually, i fled out of the house.
for years and years i've had all kinds of therapies because i had build up lots of anxiety's. it was after Ruben's accident in 2013 (where he broke his upper leg (thigh), that i finally saw 'the light'. i could not let fear decide on my future!
so creating my future was so much more healing to me, than reliving my past over and over and over again. all those triggers that set me of. i simply found a way to work around those triggers. to not let them trigger me anymore (EMDR therapy was my savior).
and now, i can seriously say: my past? my past is just a story. i live NOW and i'm building my own future. working hard on creating the life i love and want to live <3.
On April 6, 2017 we had to say goodbye to our sweet little bunny Snuffie. she really was such a part of the family. Sanne made this beautiful video of our goodbye at the vet.
In november 2016 Sanne found a little lumb on her chest. We went to the vet, and it was bad news. She was probably suffering from breastcancer and needed surgery. Sanne was brokenhearted. luckely they could operate her within a few days. we bought a bench so she could sit inside (it was already very cold outside), and i was worried because they shaved lots of her warm fur.
Sanne had been ill for a day, but i wanted her to go to school during the operation day. we could only wait, and she really needed the distraction. i gave her a little book, so she could write down her worries. and she did! on the toilet in school. when she came home she immediately checked on Snuffie.
we put Kuffie (her brother & best friend :) with her in the bench and they were so sweet together.
Sanne took care of her like a real bunny mom! and Snuffie did great! she survived surgery and was her 'happy' little self (she was grumpy sometimes so we made fun of her being "happy"). fast forward to February 2017. We discovered new lumbs... Bad news, the tumors were back already and there was nothing we could do anymore... we just had to wait how long Snuffie would be fine.
but last Thursday (April 6, 2017) she was suddenly breathing very heavily. we called the vet and could come over within the hour. I kinda tried to explain to Sanne that it could be very bad news, that maybe she even had to be put down. Sanne simply said she wanted an injection too because she couldn't handle not having her... i felt so sorry for her. my heart broke in a thousand pieces...
at the vet, after the x-rays, it was more than clear: her lungs were full of tumors. bunny's are "prey" animals, so they will act as normal as possible untill they simple can't no more, and then they show. so that's why, all of a sudden, one day she was hopping around, and the next she was gasping for air.
we decided it was best for her to let her go. Sanne was so intensly sad, i couldn't even breath normally anymore. the vet was so nice, gave us all the time we needed. we took some more 'last pictures' and he gave her the injection. We had Kuffie with us, so he could say goodbye to his bestie too. Snuffie was on Sanne's lap, and fell asleep. Within minutes she was gone <3.
Ruben was still in school and didn't know yet. Arjan told him in the car and ofcourse he was overwhelmed with grief. at home they both sat with her for a very long time.
they were talking to her. stroking her fur. crying for their loss. my mother heart was heavy. seeing your kids in such grief and pain is horrible. she still was so beautiful. her eyes were still gorgeous.
Sanne painted a box so beautifully and we searched my fabric stash for a nice piece to wrap around her. they collected all kinds of special stuff to put with her in the box.
crocheted hearts, lucky stones, a card, Sanne made carrots out of clay. This little ritual of ours was very healing to witness.
snuffie surrounded by love from Sanne & Ruben.
last kisses before the box was closed.
ready for the funeral.
luckily, we have our new home, although it is being rebuild. Sanne was so sad that Snuffie didn't get to see her new home & garden. she did visit a few times, but she never lived here. but hey, she's the first one of us, "living" at our new address :)
finding a beautiful spot underneath my favorite tree!
they both helped digging the hole. close to the water, just the perfect spot.
adding flowers. we didn't have anything else yet, but they used some flowers from our own garden. and so special: Kuffie didn't move. normally he races through the garden. hopping around, searching for yummy flowers or plants to eat. or just jump around for fun. he stayed put for the time we were there. as if he knew.
back home, seeking comfort with Kuffie.
Friday we bought some beautiful decorations for her sweet little grave. there was even a "Nijntje" shape of flowers. perfect for Snuffie.
a little smile from Sanne with her beloved Kuffie.
back at home she relaxed with Kuffie.
it was a whirlwind kinda 4 days. everything seems a bit back to normal again. she has been crying on and off on Thursday & Friday all day actually. I just let her cry and grief. my motherheart was hurting so bad. to see your children in so much pain and sorrow is killing. Ruben did cry too, but he kinda moved on more quickly. and that's totally OK too. it's okay that they process this differently, as long as we let them be theirselves. with all the emotions. now we can talk about it and why it was the best and loving decision ever to let Snuffie go.
oh, sweet little Snuffie, we miss you so & will seriously never forget her.
one day. one day i'll be cruising down the road with my own Volkswagen T1. playing music pretty loud. having picknicks. drinks with friends. roadtripping, although the Netherlands is small, there's so much beauty to see.
i can see myself, wind through my pink hair, laughing through live.
these are just a few of my cars. i can't help myself buying them everywhere and anywhere <3.
do you catch yourself comparing yourself to strangers online?! do you?i sure do! i know, it's not working, but still my brain goes "look! she has already X-followers, you are worthless!". "rev, come on, your online class still isn't finished and she finished hers in half the time!". or "how does she do it, i am such a looser?!"...
i know. our brains seems to be wired like this. looking on the outside. but not seeing what is going on in the inside, or in this case, what 'she' has done already to be where they are.
everybody is unique. everybody is walking their own path and their own journey.
the worst thing you can do is keep looking to others on social media (before social media, we were looking at our neighbours new car and were thinking "how the heck can they buy a new car?!"....
so every single day i make a promise to myself. "you have got to be a beginner before you can be anything else". and it is totally OKAY. to be a beginner. to not be where 'they' are already. to enjoy your journey exploring, finding out your path and most important: celebrate every single success you achieve! because the fact that you started anything is GOLD :).
so remember that being a beginner is a GOOD thing :)
HELLO, free e-book!
if you sign up for my ezine HERE, you'll receive a direct download for me free e-book "create your own mixed media canvas". it's a fun little e-book and i'm very curious what you think! any feedback is welcome, as long as it is positive. KIDDING! i can handle any feedback <3.