this is part two of our story of the last couple of weeks.
you can read part one here.
also one of the hardest parts for me: Arjan & Sanne were at home, a 45 minute drive. so when Sanne came out of school, Arjan picked her up, and rushed to see us. they were there for about 2 hours, and had to leave again, to eat and get some rest at home, because the next day the story continues.
an accident like this just affects the whole family. when i got home and went into Sanne's room, i saw she dug up an old frame with a picture of her age 5 and him age 1,5 and she had put it on top of her desk, so she could look at it at night. it brought tears to my eyes. she's not the girl that shows her emotions a lot (like Ruben does), but with 'signs' like this, i know my girl is hurting too.
so the next day the bandage had to come off already and it was so strange to see that fragile leg. his bone severly broken, with just pins in it. little did we know then there was something wrong already.
this was such a struggle for him, and i don't blame him! i wouldn't want my painfull leg to move or even get on the edge of the bed also!
but after yelling, screaming and calling me all the names he could think off, we managed this together. due to the mother of sweet Lotte who was there the same period. she encouraged me to do this with Ruben together, without the nurses. and it worked. she took this pic of us. priceless. thanks Eugenie, you really did help me!
and then every day he had more challenges. he's only 5 (okay 6 at the end of April this year, but still, such a small boy). now he had to practise with this little walker to get around. from his wheelchair, walk to the end of the room, and back again. his fysiotherapist is next to him. she was such a sweetheart. patience is the key peeps. P.A.T.I.E.N.C.E. and you'll get everything from him.
but that wasn't enough. he had to climbe the stairs too.... he had to do al these 'chores' so we were allowed to go home the next day. this was saturday and i wanted to come home on Sunday, because that would be so much easier for Arjan & Sanne too! and Ruben was dying to be home with the four of us again. there were nights he kept telling me completely upset & all with tears he missed daddy & sanne so freaking much. i broke. and cried with him. i told him Sanne & daddy are ALWAYS in his heart. and even though they weren't with us, we were strong together and we would fight this. and that he was my champion. oh the little dude. i can still cry like a baby typing this. there was so much sadness and grief for him in those weeks. and it was so hard to watch him like that. i just hold him, cuddled him and tried to poor all my love into him. keeping positive. staying strong for the dude. i can't imagine how life would be with a severe sick child and hospitals as your daily life. i bow to you peeps. i bow deeply.
the surgeon came by our beds the next morning and i was READY. he was stunned by what Ruben had accomplished in two days and we were allowed to go home. in tears i called Arjan: PICK US UP NOW. seriously. homesick doesn't even come close. two extremely tired, but oh so ready to rock 'n roll.
proudly she walked him to the corridors. she couldn't wait to take us home. that felt so extremely good.
there he was. in the car. he was so freaking scared, but we had lots of extra pillows to make him as comfortable as possible. hit the road dad.
we improvised a bit so he could play with his own toys again. look at that pale face... not being able to get outside really gets to you!
so we went to the childrens fysiotherapist and she's a gem. she really is. he deserved the gold medal for doing excercises he was soooo freaking scared off. i told her i though his knee was redish. that could be because he was operated there. but i just didn't trusted it yet. he still was on pain medications (2 kinds) and we were not able to bring that down. he still had so much pain. it was strange.
and he was doing his best. big strong daddy taking him downstairs in the morning. i was too afraid to mis step myself and drop him. seriously. scary stuff.
fast forward to Sunday March 3. being at home exactly one week. "mom, i feel bumps on the sides of my knee...". i was sick, i got the stumach flu on Saturday night and was up all night throwing up and all that kind of fun stuff. but hey, being sick was NOT an option. so we both looked at his knee. the horror... i saw to bumps on both sides and knew exactly what was wrong... his steel pens were coming out. through his knee. not through his skin, heaven thanks, but it was a horrific sight. it explained his pains, his not-willing-to-practise anything. the poor little dude. one phonecall to the hospital and yes "come right now" was the answer. Sanne had the flu also, so grandpa came over. one of my besties came over to me. she offered to go with Arjan for me, because i was still sick. but i just needed to be with him. i thought he needed surgery right away. i managed to eat a banana and jumped in the car. like a zombie. Arjan drove ofcourse. i tried not to throw up. it's amazing how mom's body's work. if i would have been at home with Arjan taken care of the kids, i would have been still sick and miserable. i still was miserable, but the throwing up part stopped. like my body knew, "not now".
the ER doctor came. he needed x-rays. again. the horror on Ruben's face. when we went into the room there was this sparkly (but evil smiling) looking girl. telling Ruben she wouldn't touch him! (because he was crying already). i do have pics of that but it's just too sad to see him that upset. but seriously. she was a B.... we had to get him onto a hard table and she wanted him to sit on those big screens where they take the x-rays with. i get it. but when you have a child in extreme pain, and scared to death. what's the best way to deal with him? YES. PUSH HIM. cause he was on the edge already. so he started to cry uncontrollably. she even told him " there are more children, and i don't have all the time in the world" and when she told him that, she pushed this hard pillow under his leg which made him scream of pains. Arjan told her she need to BACK OFF. seriously people. our 5 year old sweetheart was in so much stress and this 'girl' was like: 'get over it'. obviously the WRONG person on the WRONG place. like i said before. a little bit patience, a little bit time WILL WIN YOU TIME. but that must be so hard to understand.
the x-rays were taken and he needed plaster because they send us home again. it was Sunday. no surgery. we'll call you tomorrow.... and yes. the steel pens were coming out...
so onto the next room where he got his emergency plaster. he was exhausted. we were exhausted. those woman were gems & really did understand what the little dude has gone through. look at Ruben's face. it breaks my heart.
we went home and to bed because it was late at night already. early in the morning i got the call from the ER Doctor. "you can come right now, we have a spot in surgery right now". uhm. it's a 45 minute drive, so we'll be there in 1 hour (we also had to drop off Sanne at grandma's and grandpa's house, because she still had the flu)... when we arrived at the hospital something did bring a smile to Ruben's face. he 'walked' into his 'old' room, and surprise, surprise, who was there?! Lotte! His lovely friend from his first stay! she was admitted also. that sure wasn't fun, but it was crazy we were both back at the exact same time.
preparing for surgery
getting anesthetics, this man was like a magical doctor. seriously. in like a split second he got the IV in his hand. Ruben didn't even blinked an eye. amazing.
and when he was operated on again he woke up screaming (they 'pushed' the steel pens back into his bone, they had to reposition his bone again because it was 'jammed' together so Ruben would have a length difference, and he got plaster this time around!). he was in lots of pains. the recovery room nurse gave him more morfine, but that didn't do it. i was watching Ruben closely and saw exactly what happened. he had those damn muscle twitching again. i told the nurse, and he said i could be right! he gave him some muscle relaxation stuff and within seconds he stopped screaming and crying. but then he started falling into a too deep of a sleep, alarmbells and i was shaking like crazy. the nurse gave him something else, and extra oxigen and there he was again. awake, breathing, looking strangely into the room. i will never ever forget those minutes of pure horror. you just want to pick him up and walk outtathere with big step giant steps. but you can't. and you are depending on other people taking the best care of him. it hurts. it still does.
luckely Sascha the fysiotherapist, came to help us again and that worked like a charm. he's in plaster now from his top upper leg till his foot and that feels so much more save then before. he managed to get out bed the next day!
he did all the exercises he needed to do. operated on Monday March 4, home on Wednesday March 6! the dude is amazing. this is his surgeon, who even came to say goodbye to Ruben and told him he was such a big tough cookie. he sure is. i'm so freaking proud of the dude and our family to stay strong and get through this.
i would have lost my sanity in the hospital and the most horrible days of my life, if it wasn't for my besties, you know who you are <3.
Ruben is now exactly 1 week at home and he's doing great! i keep updating my facebook and will post part tree later this week. and otherwise, keep track on my facebook page for recent updates. i try to keep up with everything, but still my brain isn't working normally yet, and i doubt it will ever will.
i do know now life can be crazy (i kinda knew already ofcourse) but i also know i can stay as strong as i need to be for my muppets. i can. they can. we have so much love together. nothing can break us. a leg. sure. but not us.
life is good. Ruben is getting there.