so i drew this mermaid while we were on our holidays in Zeeland this summer. which was a crazy perfect chill holiday! i drew lots of girls and really felt i was getting somewhere close to my own style. in stead of feeling like copying other girls girls :). that is quit a big thingie for me. i don't want to copy anybody, but if you want to learn something, first you'll copy. to learn techniques. to learn tips and tricks. to learn what works and what might not. of course you keep pushing and change things. different eyes. lips. mouth. but still i felt like it's not MY style quite yet. but with this mermaid i felt close.
but now i just don't know. you know that BLAAHHH feeling. why can't i just draw something from scratch. you know that negative little bitchy voice we all have when creating something. who invented her? must be a real nasty sour bitch who thought "let's bring in the voices to make every creative girl feels like crap".
i also know i just have to keep on pushing. keep going. giving in or giving up is for losers. i'm not even close to that. but sometimes i need some breathing space. because i was pushing to hard. and i need some creatieve space. like i pick up my crochet work. or my creative planner. or my art journal and smash some paint down. that's how i roll. just step back and focus on something else.
and than i'm confident that my girls will come to me. that sounds a little bit 'ladieda', but i know it'll all work out. in the end. and for now, i just keep on pushing. not too hard.
on the diabetes part: i'm DOING WELL. seriously. it's not like i'm all set to go every day, but it looks like i'm managing my diabetes a bit better every day. of course i don't eat sugar (ssttttt sometimes i sneak something in :D), and try to cut carbs as much as possible. and i feel like letting it go a bit more every day. the first few weeks after being diagnosed, i was kinda obsessed with my meter and my notebook. i jotted everything down and felt horrible with low or high values and kept figuring: what did i eat, what did i do. it almost drove me crazy. seriously. it doesn't matter what you do, my sugar or blood value can change in a heart beat. so happy to say i got this. somebody called it "diaBADASS" and i would love to steal that!
life is good. keep pushing in the right direction.